A Gift?????? Turning 50

June 1/2014

Tomorrow, actually several hours from now, I will be 50 years old.  I woke up this morning pondering that fact.  Started to feel a little sorry for myself.  Pity party, woe is me time.  Remarkably....I had an "awe" moment instead.

My oldest son came by to take me to see his new house.  It would be my first viewing, and I was looking forward to it....even though I was feeling frumpy, lifeless, dull, old.....Did I mention I was turning 50 tomorrow? 

The time alone with your child is so important in their growth.  The time alone with your young adult child, I realized, is very important in MY growth.  In these discussions you realize what a fantastic job you did as a parent.  Well, I pat myself on the back, because if this is true, I did one hell of a good job!!  My sons have to be the absolute best.  Ooops.....off course...runaway train of thought!

So here we were, discussing his future, and the good decisions he has made to get him to this point in life.  Well....pity party waiting to happen, on cue I began to discuss my future....the one that Parkinson's has prepared for me..  And as I was began to express my distaste for what was awaiting me, I suddenly came out with..."well, this is years down the road.  20-30, I'm sure....bl bla bla....poor me...bla bla..." a light went off and I spewed out, "well, like most people that age.  You know, I guess I should consider it a gift to be able to plan ahead for myself.  Everyone will go through it....I am just forewarned."

SHAZAAAM!  BING!  ZING!!!!   In speaking with my son, I had come across the most profound thought that I have had since diagnosis.  I have been given,...get this...sit down if you wish.........a peek at my future.  I can prepare.  I know what is ahead. 

Suddenly all this sayings that I have been banking in my brain for safe keeping, came together.  Seize the moment...Live life to its fullest.....Dance like no one is watching....Live each day as if it were your last.  All of this must have clustered in my brain, smushed together (sorry for the advanced scientific lingo...), and came out of my head, slithered to my lips, and came out as a clever, and poignant, awe inspiring, moment of clarity.  I have been given the gift of preparedness for my future.

My son just shook his head and said, "yeah, really.", and we continued on with our visit.  But this evening, I still have Parkinson's, and am keeping track of  what time I need to take my next dosage of meds,  but not with the usual angst.  I feel like I am carrying a secret, a gift, true clarity and positive vibes....whaaat?!?!?

Tomorrow I turn 50!  And I am young!!  Too young to be wallowing in self pity.  My son helped me realize that I should be using this as, the best time of my life.  Hell yeah!!!   

*This post is a true story, depicting a true experience, to a real person who literally had a light bulb illuminate above her head....thoughts that had been there, all smushed up, and became what the "awe moment" was intended to be in its inception to our language.  Thank you Oprah (I think she coined that term), Michael J Fox (for the awareness of YOPD), and PJ, for letting me figure out what I had known all along, but needed to, "unsquish."